Sean Fahey

My accepted Weekly Humorist article about Boxing Day.

The next season of Game of Thrones is said to be the finale, tying up all loose ends before George R. R. Martin kills everyone. Not literally, in the show. To my knowledge, at least.
Regardless, fans have confirmation as to where the first scene in Season 8 will take place, clueing us as to what will take place and who will be on screen first. As long as I still have your attention, maybe keep an eye on Martin. I want confirmation that he isn't killing anybody at the moment.
While the obese, ...

Uh, what? Disney, maybe don't say publicly that you think an upcoming movie is going to bomb. Sure, you have fans all over the place complaining about Star Wars: The Last Jedi (which is a good movie, by the freakin' way!) but you shouldn't be stating that your spinoff movie is going to crash and burn like every starship in the entire series.
Phil Lord and Chris Miller were departing the Han Solo spin-off film, which made fans nervous.
Naturally, an undisclosed source ​states, "Disney is braci...

Anyone inspired by characters from Goodfellas could be arrested for anything. Murder, smuggling, drug trafficking, stealing, illegal parking, the list goes on. However, Vincent Asaro, captain of the real life Bonanno crime family, will be ​serving time for car arson, a crime any unintelligent car owner has committed.
Most will be familiar with Asaro from his previous crimes. In 2015, he was found not guilty of charges related to the 1978 heist at the Lufthansa cargo terminal at JFK Airport. T...

I never thought a story about celebrities making out could possibly take a sad twist, yet here we are, talking about the budding romance between the late Carrie Fisher. Mark Hamill remembers the days he spent with Fisher during the original Star Wars shooting in 1977.
“I remember one time – I’m sure alcohol was involved – we were talking about kissing techniques," Hamill ​recalls. "I said: ‘Well, I think I’m a fairly good kisser. I like to let the women come to me rather than be aggressive.’ ...

Luke Skywalker was a character encapsulating innocence, bravery, and, above all, loyalty. This rings true for Mark Hamill as well, loyal to George Lucas' original vision for the series: Jar Jar Binks and all. Hamill doesn't like how much DIsney has changed the original visions of Episodes 7-9.
Hamill told ​Metro: “What I wish is that they had been more accepting of his guidance and advice. Because he had an outline for 7, 8 and 9. And it is vastly different to what they have done. But then ag...

What kind of loser downloads a Pokémon edit of Bejeweled? This stupid loser, you Pokemon Go normie. This is a bonafide game reviewer here to tell you that the superior app is not, in fact, Pokemon Go, but rather Pokemon Shuffle.
So what makes this app better than Pokemon Go? Well, it takes less than 2 minutes to press the start button and it doesn’t require 50% of your battery to play for 10 minutes. Niantic’s lack of innovation and common decency aside, Pokemon Shuffle got its first start on...

Metroid, named after the fact that the player kills a Metroid at least once per game, has never been more true to its name; you must kill the final 40 Metroids in existence in Metroid: Samus Returns. It’s literally the genocide of an alien race, but that’s okay, let’s rate the game E10+. Isn’t sci-fi wonderful?
This 40-boss goal is established after the first ten minutes. As soon as you’re finished with the first tutorial-like area, a huge, ancient Chozo clock tells you how many Metroids are ...

The spirit of Halloween is alive this month in the video gaming industry. Not from a long-running franchise. Not from a gore-y, Silent Hill-esque nightmare. Rather, you can experience true horror from a Japanese dating simulator: Doki Doki Literary Club.
Let me set this straight: THIS IS A HORROR GAME. Everybody except Kotaku has covered this as a dating sim, as if to prank or to not spoil the experience for the audience, speaking in a code that the game is not quite what it seems, if at all ...

This is a 3-D Sonic review, so let’s look at what I have stored in my joke briefcase, just to get them out of the way. References to Sonic ’06, the worst Sonic game of all time. Pretentious banter about how Sonic games in the third dimension always fail and 2-D is better. An ironic joke about my original character, perhaps a Chris-chan reference. Pointing and laughing at the terrible storyline along with laugh tracks and an Everybody Loves Raymond piano riff. Great, now that all of those worn...

Street Fighter fans have gone through a lot over the years, especially in regards to strange characters. We’ve seen DeeJay, the DJ who’s basically just Bob Marley shooting beams from his hands and feet. We’ve seen a masked wrestler who, with his professional chef side-hustle, learns how to cook by mercilessly beating people in the street. We’ve even seen Bruce Lee and a fire-breathing Gandhi. Now, get ready for: a man who thinks he is a car.
Strange enough for you? I sure hope so. Abigail, ro...

Marvel vs Capcom Infinite is a huge failure. If you’re not interested in hearing me complain about a video game with scalding remarks, this isn’t the review for you. That being said, this means no review of Marvel vs Capcom Infinite is for you.

Capcom, best known for ruining or discontinuing the powerful franchises they create, has most recently destroyed the reputation of Marvel vs Capcom. The backlash for shoddy graphics, removing classic characters while keeping the old roster, and an overall lack of focus has given DragonBall Z a chance to completely outshine Capcom in their specialty. Still, I love Crapcom, no matter how terrible, and the small glimmer of hope for their future can be found in the game as equally terrifying as their failures: Resident Evil 7.

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